The Joy of Non-Mastery
Exploring what it feels like to NOT be an expert
By Gary Hirsch (OYF Co-founder)
Chess anyone?
There can be great joy in doing something that you aren’t very good at. I discovered this by playing chess during the pandemic. Not on-line chess, but analog, solid plastic pieces on a portable wooden board chess. Chess became one of the only ways I could get some much needed human connection away from any technology.
I would set up a board in my backyard and starting with my neighbor Matt would play game after game with people on my block, with my son and his friends and with folks that I hadn’t seen in years but would spontaneously invite over.
Not Being World Class
When I ask someone if they want to play chess with me I often hear some version of this, “oh no, I'm not good at chess, I mean I know the game but it’s been so long, you’ll definitely beat me”. My first thought was that they are just looking for a polite way to say no because they just didn’t want to play (or they didn’t enjoy the idea of spending 30-40 minutes mostly in silence with me).
But probing a bit further and it soon becomes apparent that they just didn’t want to experience themselves as doing something that they are not “good” at. I have this too. I remember once telling someone I played squash with that I was going to stop playing because it was obvious that I would never be world class at it. How many experiences and moments have I robbed myself from in this way? Probably a lot.
Showing Up Mediocre
Chess has been my small window into finding joy in something that I am never going to be world class at. The joy comes from everything else- connection, being present, and liking how my brain feels during a game. I lose a lot. I am learning to enjoy not being very good at it. I am not even trying to get better- no reading about strategy or even thinking about the game when I'm not playing.
My identity has always been tied up in achievement, success and recognition. It’s so refreshing to have something in my life where I can feel good about just showing up and being mediocre.
So I recommend chess, knitting, or horticulture- anything that you aren't really good at already. Let go of being good at it and see how the joy arises from there.
