Finding a New Mantra

What you say to yourself matters!

Stories In Your Head

We always have a story going on in our heads. It’s a private dialogue that gives voice to our fears, expectations and assumptions. These stories can pop up anywhere, like right before you go into a meeting, your story could be: “This is the time I will speak up more and show the room that I have something to contribute”, or when you make a presentation to an important audience you might think: “I  really want to nail this and impress these people”. Sometimes these stories can be helpful, but sometimes they can get in the way. Here’s a brief example of when the story in my head was getting the way and what happened to turn it around.

We were working with the leadership team of a Hollywood entertainment company. The venue was posh, the client was, well… a bit intimidating. These executives were not only responsible for some of the world’s most popular and entertaining television programing, as we realized at the welcome reception the night before our session, they were also skeptical and slightly wary of our different way of working (we use some unorthodox methods, like improvisation, to facilitate and train teams).

After the reception, which was mostly filled with our team nervously talking too much, and the executives furrowing their brow, we gathered our team to get ready for the next morning. We shared that we were a bit nervous to work with this group. What if they hated it? Didn’t like us? Rolled their eyes and walked out (granted this hadn’t happened before, but it didn't stop me from being convinced that it would surely happen the following morning)?

Even though we teach this stuff, we were breaking the first rule of our improv training. We were viewing the uncertainty of the next day by making the choice to to have a negative a mantra (phrase in your head that repeats). For example, “I don't know what is about to happen, but it will probably suck". The opposite of a negative mantra, is one that improv guru Keith Johnstone calls being “fit and well”. Choosing to be "fit and well" is an attitude that improvisers adopt both physically and mentally that allows them to see uncertainty as an exciting opportunity and face it with competence and confidence instead of impending doom.

We were taking on a negative mantra and creating an unhelpful mental picture that was all about ourselves. Our mantras were all self-focused and anticipated the worst from the session.

This was when my colleague Brad saved the day. “We totally have the wrong mantra” he exclaimed. “I know that we can help these people, regardless of their title, status or skepticism.” So that became our mantra: “We can really help these people.” This immediately took the focus off our ourselves and made it in service of our audience (where it always belonged).

The next day was actually a success. We really did help them (they came up with new ideas to help transform their teams and culture). They learned, laughed, and surprised themselves and each other. Having a different mantra turned our approach around.

Something to try:

Think about an upcoming situation that you might be slightly dreading. It could be a meeting with a client, a conversation with your boss, or spending the weekend with your father-in-law. Every conversation and interaction is a moment of uncertainty because you never know what the other person will do or say. So how do you choose to approach this uncertainty? From a place of being attitudinally “sick and feeble”, or “fit and well”?

Notice what your current mantra is. If it’s a version of “I don't know what will happen, but it will probably suck”, then you have chosen a negative mantra. See if you can flip this. Find a mantra that helps you imagine a better result. I know not rocket science, but amazing helpful none the less. There are lots of possibilities. “I can learn something”, or make it about them: “They will learn something helpful.”

We have found that what you are saying in your head is not just a mantra, it can be a prophecy too.